I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
