i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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