i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
