so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
