do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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