I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
