you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize