So drunk its hurt
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
