so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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