I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
