Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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