How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
