i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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