Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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