Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
