nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
