I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
