I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
