Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
