whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
