just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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