Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
