Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
