Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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