Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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