I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
