Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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