he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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