His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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