if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
NoShamevember. You game?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
