So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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