you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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