You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
