i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
