Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
