Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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