I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need a beard to bite.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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