brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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