I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
