I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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