id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
