Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
