This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i've created a new STD.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
