do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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