I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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