Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
