So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
