You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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