maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
