There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
