I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
