1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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