I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
