dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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