All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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