I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
