I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
