I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
