i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize