Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
