dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
