just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
