so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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