He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
