just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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