Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
