Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
