ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
