fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
