His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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