News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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