so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
