it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize